But do I have a penis?
My fans don’t care, and neither do I
You’ve already seen the Olympics news headlines about Imane Khelif. I bet you’ve even read some really compelling analyses and think pieces. You’ve reposted or shared some good stories about how this kind of “news” hurts cis folks (hell, I even posted one of those). And if you’re here, it certainly isn’t because I conduct any sort of calculated reporting on these events. That’s just not my genre.
If you do want some of that coverage, here’s my recommended reading list. These folks have put together some very wise words about how this kind of “conversation” advances fascist movements or how it harms all of us, how it’s anti-feminist and anti-women. Great stuff all around.
But there is one angle I am not seeing in the press, in big names or small ones, and it feels incredibly important to me. It’s the one thing I keep coming back to over and over when this story unfolds, or when other similar stories like this one hit the press.
Nobody wants to be trans.
And sure, it’s important to defend women’s sports or whatever. I mean, y’all were so busy cheering for them in the first place, right? And yeah, let’s totally emphasize that Khelif is cis. She was born female, lives a female life, is a woman through and through. Good for her. Good for anyone pointing that out.
But when you point out that Khelif is cis, what you’re really saying is that no one in their right mind would ever *want* to be trans. Nobody wants to be mistaken for a transperson.
“Did you see that punch? Holy moly, that person *must* be trans to do that!”
“No, no don’t say that, she’s cis! She’s a woman! She is REAL. Don’t call her trans. What an insult. What a horrific accusation.”
Because what would this world look like if people actually thought being trans was a good thing?
Once upon a time there was this huge conspiracy thingie around Lady Gaga possibly being trans. And her response? “Maybe I do.”
Cooper: “There was a rumor that you had a male appendage, that you were a hermaphrodite. And you joked about it on the stage last night.”1
Gaga: “Maybe I do. Would it be so terrible?”
Cooper: “But it’s interesting, a lot of artists would immediately put out some sort of statement, saying, ‘This is absolutely not true!’ You have fun with it.”
Gaga: “Why the hell am I gonna waste my time and give a press release about whether or not I have a penis? My fans don’t care, and neither do I.”
Aaannnd…. that’s it. That’s the only reference I can find where someone was accused of being trans and the clap-back was nothing more than a shrug. If anyone else has a reference like this, I will happily add it to my stash of look-at-this-on-a-shitty-dysphoric-as-hell day. For real. Please send it my way.
Just for one moment, close your eyes (I mean, read this first and then close your eyes, obviously), and imagine what it feels like to be this thing that no one wants to be. Imagine being hated. Imagine being reviled. Imagine being the target of hundreds of pieces of legislation to remove you from existence. Imagine being the butt of the joke.
Imagine wanting nothing more than to belong, to fit in somewhere, and everywhere you look is a constant reminder that there is no place for you. You do not fit. You are not welcome. You are strange and other, you are a monster, you are a liar, you are not *real*. And whenever a big news item comes up, the #1 defense on behalf of the trans population is to say “but she’s not trans, she is a *real* woman.”
What would it look like to have a world where folks accused of being trans would shrug? What would it look like if they smiled? How would it feel if someone actually wanted their child to be transgender?
How would I feel if someone loved me because I am transgender?
What if being trans was a good thing? A right thing? A wanted thing? A beautiful thing?
What if it is all of those things, and nobody says that part out loud?
Can I say that part out loud? And if I do, will any part of this world hear my voice? Will you hear my words calling out the splendor, the beauty, the glittery, sparkly, bubbly awesomeness that is being a trans human and genderwild creature? And if, for one divine moment, you could feel the kind of joy that being trans can bring to a soul, would you learn to shrug when someone accuses you of being trans?
Your trans friend,
Robin
And also, wow, Anderson. Hermaphrodite? That’s what you bring to the interview?? Thanks for sleeping through that language sensitivity course.
You are a perfect, lovely, valuable and loved human being no matter what kind of equipment you have or don't have and irrespective of what that equipment is and how you came to feel comfortable in your body. Watching the world police female athlete's bodies trying to find the line where they are competitive without being somehow less of a "real woman" is so fucking exhausting to me and I can't imagine how harmful this bullshit is to trans youth. I'm sorry Robin. There are people who need to be checked for their humanity, they're the ones so concerned with policing other people's underroos.
Thank you Robin ❤️ my thirteen year old is almost constantly asked about her genitals in school 🙄 but on a positive note, when she first came out as trans, one person said “wow that’s amazing!”. I know she’ll always remember that reaction 😀