My eldest kid is trans and we've had SO MANY conversations about gender and the binary and how even, as a non-binary person, they feel compelled to align with one of the binary genders just to make it 'easier' for people. They're also autistic so social camouflaging is an instinct at this point which resulted in a whole lot of wrong directions for them. Happily, they've recently unpacked a lot of that and are casting off their chains :). I'm definitely going to be getting them a copy of this book (I've already copied that quote and sent it to them). Thanks so much for sharing it!
Melanie, it is so cool that you and your kid have had those convos about gender AND the gender binary. I wish more people would engage in that. The world would benefit from questioning these arbitrary boxes.
If you haven’t yet, also check out Alok Vaid-Menon who is a phenomenal nonbinary speaker. Their fashion sense is on fire!
Ashamed to write this as a non-binary person, but it literally only now occurred to me I can read autobiographies of other enbys. That we already exist for so long there are actual whole life experiences to learn from. Insane how deeply ingrained transphobia can be.
No shame needed. I didn’t know until pretty recently either. Alabanza isn’t the only good author writing nonbinary memoir. You can also check out Alok Vaid-Menon (incredible speaker), and I’ve grabbed some collections by nonbinary/agender writers from my library. There’s more out there than you think.
I'd be happy to collect some other enby titles I have on my shelves and/or direct you to some that may be easier to get a hold of - just can't name them at the top of my head. Let me know 😊
Great review, Robin! Definitely adding to my list to read. I love trans & non-binary memoirs, and there are relatively few by non-binary authors (so far). Thank you for the recommendation!
Agreed, these are not a common find in published (physical) books, but I have picked up a few collections of works (prose, poetry, short nonfic pieces) by nonbinary writers. Some of those have been outstanding. I'll have to see if I can recall the titles again for anyone who is interested in looking for them.
There is this incredible dearth of works by anyone existing outside the gender binary, whether that's in printed media, visual or auditory art, or film and stage productions. I wonder if some of us are just lurking in the shadows afraid that the world does not want our contributions because we so rarely see ourselves successfully promoted when we try.
Hi Robin. You just sold me Travis Alabanza's book. Not too shabby for a non-reviewer. So you say you devour queer books? Try mine: Devin's Dreams. Do you want a taste of it? The first three chapters are here on my substack. Bon appetit!
Definitely going to get this book and read it! If someone ever asks me, "So when did you know" I'd probably say, "When did I NOT KNOW? I've always known"! <3
I bought this book as soon as it came out, but shamefully, I haven’t read it yet. I found your review to be utterly beautiful. One question remains, though: should I actually read the book, or should I just take your word for it?
I often have the same feelings you did in the first paragraph when I write about books. But then I remember I love books and I love talking about books and that matters way more than knowing what I'm doing as a book reviewer—and I do it anyway.
And you did a great job. I'm adding it to my wishlist now!
It sounds like a crucial book and I am glad it was written and is out there. I'm definitely going to look for it. Asking ourselves these tough questions is what allows us to answer with more confidence within ourselves. And every little bit of confidence creates less shakiness within our hearts. X
My eldest kid is trans and we've had SO MANY conversations about gender and the binary and how even, as a non-binary person, they feel compelled to align with one of the binary genders just to make it 'easier' for people. They're also autistic so social camouflaging is an instinct at this point which resulted in a whole lot of wrong directions for them. Happily, they've recently unpacked a lot of that and are casting off their chains :). I'm definitely going to be getting them a copy of this book (I've already copied that quote and sent it to them). Thanks so much for sharing it!
Melanie, it is so cool that you and your kid have had those convos about gender AND the gender binary. I wish more people would engage in that. The world would benefit from questioning these arbitrary boxes.
If you haven’t yet, also check out Alok Vaid-Menon who is a phenomenal nonbinary speaker. Their fashion sense is on fire!
I may have fallen down an Alok rabbithole.....(thank you!)
Ashamed to write this as a non-binary person, but it literally only now occurred to me I can read autobiographies of other enbys. That we already exist for so long there are actual whole life experiences to learn from. Insane how deeply ingrained transphobia can be.
No shame needed. I didn’t know until pretty recently either. Alabanza isn’t the only good author writing nonbinary memoir. You can also check out Alok Vaid-Menon (incredible speaker), and I’ve grabbed some collections by nonbinary/agender writers from my library. There’s more out there than you think.
I don't think libraries in my country even have those collections. But I will look for it!
I'd be happy to collect some other enby titles I have on my shelves and/or direct you to some that may be easier to get a hold of - just can't name them at the top of my head. Let me know 😊
Sina, YES! I've come across a few, but I don't have a great collection of titles. I think that would be a wonderful thing to assemble.
Creating a reminder now cause... adhd 😅
Awwwww thank you! That's so sweet! And yes please ♥️
….and the audio version gets 5* as well! Stories by Janus, a worthy smallstack
For a non-reviewer, you sure did a great job of piquing my interest in this book. 😂 I will get in line to check it out of my library. Thank you.
I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Great review, Robin! Definitely adding to my list to read. I love trans & non-binary memoirs, and there are relatively few by non-binary authors (so far). Thank you for the recommendation!
Agreed, these are not a common find in published (physical) books, but I have picked up a few collections of works (prose, poetry, short nonfic pieces) by nonbinary writers. Some of those have been outstanding. I'll have to see if I can recall the titles again for anyone who is interested in looking for them.
There is this incredible dearth of works by anyone existing outside the gender binary, whether that's in printed media, visual or auditory art, or film and stage productions. I wonder if some of us are just lurking in the shadows afraid that the world does not want our contributions because we so rarely see ourselves successfully promoted when we try.
Just remembered, Travis Alabanza wrote one of my all-time favorite short pieces on being non-binary for sharing with allies:
"Non-Binary People Aren't A New Phenomenon – We've Been Here As Long As Humans Have Existed"
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/non-binary-travis-alabanza_uk_5c06aa1de4b0cd916fb0947d
They actually mention this in the book!! Thank you for linking the article. Such a great find!
Hi Robin. You just sold me Travis Alabanza's book. Not too shabby for a non-reviewer. So you say you devour queer books? Try mine: Devin's Dreams. Do you want a taste of it? The first three chapters are here on my substack. Bon appetit!
So glad you enjoyed that review, and yes, I’ll happily take a look at yours as well! Thanks!
This is a great write-up. You've easily convinced me to go find a copy and read, read, read!
Sweet! I hope it’s a meaningful read for you.
Definitely going to get this book and read it! If someone ever asks me, "So when did you know" I'd probably say, "When did I NOT KNOW? I've always known"! <3
For someone who doesn’t review books, you sure wrote a hell of a review. Adding to my to-read list now!
Why thank you! It helps that the book was amazing…
Great review. No need to question your reviewing chops.
I bought this book as soon as it came out, but shamefully, I haven’t read it yet. I found your review to be utterly beautiful. One question remains, though: should I actually read the book, or should I just take your word for it?
Well now I'm in a pickle. The only reasonable answer is... BOTH.
Seriously, if I only had one queer book to recommend it would be this one. Read it. And then give me your take. I'm dying to know.
This was one of the first books I picked up when I started actively questioning and exploring my gender. And what a lucky find it was!
I think your review was great! (though I get the feeling of not quite feeling up to the task)
Thanks, Sina! I suppose I care most about sharing a good book with friends, and this one really fit. Glad you liked it too!
I’ve added this to my read list. Thank you.
I'd love to know what you think.
I often have the same feelings you did in the first paragraph when I write about books. But then I remember I love books and I love talking about books and that matters way more than knowing what I'm doing as a book reviewer—and I do it anyway.
And you did a great job. I'm adding it to my wishlist now!
Thanks, Macey! I've seen so many great book reviews it's hard not.to compare my lack of skill. But I did so love this book!
This sounds so good -- will definitely read and can think of some gift opportunities too -- thank you
Books are the best gifts!
It sounds like a crucial book and I am glad it was written and is out there. I'm definitely going to look for it. Asking ourselves these tough questions is what allows us to answer with more confidence within ourselves. And every little bit of confidence creates less shakiness within our hearts. X
Tali, you’re so right. I’m also very pleased when I see more books for us that don’t shy away from either the hard parts OR the joy.