My gut and heart did somersaults reading this. My trans daughter has experienced repeated assaults this year in London -- in public -- no one coming to help. She's 6 foot and very visibly doesn't 'pass' and isn't aiming to -- she wants to be simply be herself like any human, not scrunched into any kind of box for someone else's prejudices. And for that she is in constant danger. It keeps me awake at night -- my 'child' is 38 and I still don't know what to tell her - and she's wise and not a child anyway. Sometimes the urge to say -- dress down, fit in, ditch the t-shirts and hats with slogans, the badges rises becasue I'm afraid for her -- but F*** -- why should she slink around in hiding? Why should she comply with notions that want her invisible? How much dysphoria can one body be expected to carry fon behalf of a messed up society that is fine with ecocide, genocide, lack of care for the elderly and ... (the endless list), but not fine with people simply being their glorious selves in every shade of humanity?
You are right -- dysphoria is put on you, projected by a messed up society that we all need to wake up to this.
Yes -- and getting worse all the time in the UK. So many real problems in the world and some still have all this energy to hate and want to define other people's gender. Just seems insane.
I felt my heart hammering with you as I read your words, Robin. You shouldn't need to write this. None of us should be experiencing this layered checklist of questions and fears every day. But I'm grateful for your voice, whether it shakes or it's steady. I'm so grateful for YOU. Hugging you tight in my heart, Sib.
"I dropped him off at the grandmother’s house (out in the woods, a very long way from any town or city, surrounded by acres of trees). She seemed nice in a Fleetwood Mac kind of way."... Scary to be heading out to the woods, but all seemed well until the sons..... I'm so sorry for moments like this, for this level of fear, for the questions and worries over how much to say to the kids. I'm sorry that things that already were hard are so much harder now.
Not to make light of the story, but, really, birthday parties are the worst.
Damn, Robin. Damn with a side of every other expletive I can think of, in any language. I felt this in my marrow. I know both this scene well. I know the tracking of the subtle cues, the microaggressions that could flare into full-blown hate crimes if the wind blows the wrong way. I know the interior agony of not being able to will myself taller, my shoulders broader, my hands and wrists thicker in such moments. And yeah, 6 months ago, it was a different level of fear. The chemical composition of everything has changed, including my dysphoria. I'm pretty sure my sweat over it all is different now. One day at a time, together we walk through it. 🏳️⚧️🩵🩷🤍🏳️⚧️
Robin, you write eloquently about your trials and tribulations. I appreciate your willingness to do so, and I wish that the fact that you write these things down, and that others listen to you, brings a bit more comfort.
Gender dysphoria is not some fanciful phase one goes through. And, as you say, the risk of suffering death at the hands of bigots is real. I commend you and thank you for it.
Your son will no doubt go through some trials through the comments of others. But with love - yours and his - you’ll both do fine.
Thank you so much for sharing, Robin. I appreciate your insights, and it helped me to depend my empathy. And I am so so sorry that the country doesn't recognize you for the treasure you are.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. All the news from the US and UK and the various other countries cracking down on trans people really wear me down even here in Germany. I'm still relatively safe - and I can only imagine what you have to be going through.
I can feel the tide shifting here, too. The way politicians talk, what has been normalised. Cruelty becomes more fashionable every day...
I can honestly say Robin that I don't know exactly what to say. I feel you on so many levels. Even though I'm not trans, growing up with epilepsy and being out as bi at 16yrs told me something. It told me that kids, etc. can be cruel. They can be abusive, inhumane and absolutely cruel. Society teaches people to fear what they don't understand. I completely understand the pain that creates. I have to add to that though in hopes to help on some level. You may already know this but years ago before AIDS was understood. People wouldn't even shake hands with someone who had AIDS. In the UK. Princess Diana surprised everyone by shaking hands and giving hugs to those with AIDS before it was known that doing so would not give a person AIDS. That's VERY different from being trans I know but the way society judged based on fear isn't so different. That one little act of kindness from someone in the main Royal family changed the world forever. Who's to say a small act of kindness that changes the world like that isn't around the corner Robin? Who would have known that one day there would be someone who's trans in congress too? I bet that it's VERY HARD for her but Rep. Sarah McBride is infact trans. Your children one day will not have to deal with as much discrimination as you see today. It will STILL be there on some level because people judge what they don't understand but some see beyond that. Don't give up hope... it IS hard, every single day is hard. To even BE in the LGBTQ+ community adds to the stress level I get that. As a bi-sexual I get that 100% and again it's FREAKIN' HARD but I hope that you know you are not alone.
Thank you, Robin. I have been struggling to find words to express the experience of this moment. I am so grateful you can and did and, also, shared. Much love to you.
Robin, you describe the fear so well. I hope it helps more people empathize with what it's like to be trans these days. I'm sorry many of us have to experience this. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this very understandable fear.
Are your kids old enough you could ask them what they plan to say, or what they have already said when questioned? I am remembering stories of the infant blonde Jewish children in Germany, coached by their parents to say the catechism and not say any Yiddish words. Of course we only have the stories of the five year olds who somehow sensed when to keep their mouths shut or lie 💔
I feel for you Robin, it is so sad that people fill their minds with prejudices. And of course, the "religious" ones with their phobias of anyone who is different from them. Your sons will have much to deal with as they grow up, but with good parents like you and your wife, I think they will make it through.
My gut and heart did somersaults reading this. My trans daughter has experienced repeated assaults this year in London -- in public -- no one coming to help. She's 6 foot and very visibly doesn't 'pass' and isn't aiming to -- she wants to be simply be herself like any human, not scrunched into any kind of box for someone else's prejudices. And for that she is in constant danger. It keeps me awake at night -- my 'child' is 38 and I still don't know what to tell her - and she's wise and not a child anyway. Sometimes the urge to say -- dress down, fit in, ditch the t-shirts and hats with slogans, the badges rises becasue I'm afraid for her -- but F*** -- why should she slink around in hiding? Why should she comply with notions that want her invisible? How much dysphoria can one body be expected to carry fon behalf of a messed up society that is fine with ecocide, genocide, lack of care for the elderly and ... (the endless list), but not fine with people simply being their glorious selves in every shade of humanity?
You are right -- dysphoria is put on you, projected by a messed up society that we all need to wake up to this.
Thank you for such an honest post.
My heart is with you and her. I have trans friends in London and they are already thinking of leaving the country. This is all so unnecessarily cruel.
Yes -- and getting worse all the time in the UK. So many real problems in the world and some still have all this energy to hate and want to define other people's gender. Just seems insane.
I felt my heart hammering with you as I read your words, Robin. You shouldn't need to write this. None of us should be experiencing this layered checklist of questions and fears every day. But I'm grateful for your voice, whether it shakes or it's steady. I'm so grateful for YOU. Hugging you tight in my heart, Sib.
"I dropped him off at the grandmother’s house (out in the woods, a very long way from any town or city, surrounded by acres of trees). She seemed nice in a Fleetwood Mac kind of way."... Scary to be heading out to the woods, but all seemed well until the sons..... I'm so sorry for moments like this, for this level of fear, for the questions and worries over how much to say to the kids. I'm sorry that things that already were hard are so much harder now.
Not to make light of the story, but, really, birthday parties are the worst.
Damn, Robin. Damn with a side of every other expletive I can think of, in any language. I felt this in my marrow. I know both this scene well. I know the tracking of the subtle cues, the microaggressions that could flare into full-blown hate crimes if the wind blows the wrong way. I know the interior agony of not being able to will myself taller, my shoulders broader, my hands and wrists thicker in such moments. And yeah, 6 months ago, it was a different level of fear. The chemical composition of everything has changed, including my dysphoria. I'm pretty sure my sweat over it all is different now. One day at a time, together we walk through it. 🏳️⚧️🩵🩷🤍🏳️⚧️
Robin, you write eloquently about your trials and tribulations. I appreciate your willingness to do so, and I wish that the fact that you write these things down, and that others listen to you, brings a bit more comfort.
Gender dysphoria is not some fanciful phase one goes through. And, as you say, the risk of suffering death at the hands of bigots is real. I commend you and thank you for it.
Your son will no doubt go through some trials through the comments of others. But with love - yours and his - you’ll both do fine.
I offer you warm regards!
Thank you so much for sharing, Robin. I appreciate your insights, and it helped me to depend my empathy. And I am so so sorry that the country doesn't recognize you for the treasure you are.
Thank you for sharing this, Robin.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. All the news from the US and UK and the various other countries cracking down on trans people really wear me down even here in Germany. I'm still relatively safe - and I can only imagine what you have to be going through.
I can feel the tide shifting here, too. The way politicians talk, what has been normalised. Cruelty becomes more fashionable every day...
I have a 9 year old, too. And I fear for them.
Big hugs from here, if welcome.
i'm so sorry you had to feel such fear for yourself & your children. thank you for writing this.
I can honestly say Robin that I don't know exactly what to say. I feel you on so many levels. Even though I'm not trans, growing up with epilepsy and being out as bi at 16yrs told me something. It told me that kids, etc. can be cruel. They can be abusive, inhumane and absolutely cruel. Society teaches people to fear what they don't understand. I completely understand the pain that creates. I have to add to that though in hopes to help on some level. You may already know this but years ago before AIDS was understood. People wouldn't even shake hands with someone who had AIDS. In the UK. Princess Diana surprised everyone by shaking hands and giving hugs to those with AIDS before it was known that doing so would not give a person AIDS. That's VERY different from being trans I know but the way society judged based on fear isn't so different. That one little act of kindness from someone in the main Royal family changed the world forever. Who's to say a small act of kindness that changes the world like that isn't around the corner Robin? Who would have known that one day there would be someone who's trans in congress too? I bet that it's VERY HARD for her but Rep. Sarah McBride is infact trans. Your children one day will not have to deal with as much discrimination as you see today. It will STILL be there on some level because people judge what they don't understand but some see beyond that. Don't give up hope... it IS hard, every single day is hard. To even BE in the LGBTQ+ community adds to the stress level I get that. As a bi-sexual I get that 100% and again it's FREAKIN' HARD but I hope that you know you are not alone.
Thank you, Robin. I have been struggling to find words to express the experience of this moment. I am so grateful you can and did and, also, shared. Much love to you.
thank you Robin.
Robin, you describe the fear so well. I hope it helps more people empathize with what it's like to be trans these days. I'm sorry many of us have to experience this. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this very understandable fear.
Are your kids old enough you could ask them what they plan to say, or what they have already said when questioned? I am remembering stories of the infant blonde Jewish children in Germany, coached by their parents to say the catechism and not say any Yiddish words. Of course we only have the stories of the five year olds who somehow sensed when to keep their mouths shut or lie 💔
I feel for you Robin, it is so sad that people fill their minds with prejudices. And of course, the "religious" ones with their phobias of anyone who is different from them. Your sons will have much to deal with as they grow up, but with good parents like you and your wife, I think they will make it through.