It was anemia

except when it wasn't

baby cole starts for fall, a great source of iron

It was anemia. We passed out in the hallway of high school, so they called an ambulance.

It was still anemia. “We can solve this with a blood transfusion.”

It was internal bleeding. So they scoped and prodded and treated and searched for the gaping wounds inside our body.¹

It was our digestive system attacking itself. They prescribed pills.

It was migraine headaches. That was harder to solve, so instead they said things like, “Well it can’t be that bad. Have you tried cutting out chocolate or doing yoga?”

It was an erratic heartbeat. Which, apparently, “If it hasn’t killed you yet,” means it’s okay?

No wait, it was anemia again. A uterine ablation will resolve it.²

But it was still anemia. Let’s try [another] iron infusion. And another.

INTERMISSION – during which testosterone enters the picture

It was still anemia. Don’t worry about those rising hematocrit and hemoglobin numbers.

It was still anemia. Even though your uterus is gone now. And the doctor who took it out thought your hematocrit looked really high.

It was still anemia. But those H&H numbers are so high now that they decide to withdraw your testosterone. For your own good.

It was dysphoria. Because we finally had something in our body that made our body feel like our body, but apparently our body isn’t made to handle feeling good about itself.

It was depression. Which is a normal response to intense dysphoria. Have you tried yoga yet?

It was an erratic heartbeat [like always] with severe palpitations. But they gave us a minimal dose of testosterone back, for which we should be grateful, even though it’s our fault we want something that gives us a risk of heart attacks or strokes.

It was sleep apnea. So they sent a machine to keep us breathing, even though it triggered repressed trauma to use it. Can we please try yoga now?

It was low B12. Like so low as to be intensely concerning. So we took pills and got weekly shots.

It was an allergic reaction to B12, which we told them might happen. But apparently our body is not supposed to be allergic to necessary vitamins.

But hangon, it’s really anemia again. Even with that crazy high hematocrit and hemoglobin and new allergies and a machine sucking our face off at night. For real. How do you feel about kale?

Notes:

*Maybe there are places in the world that get healthcare right. Where patients can get in to see doctors in a timely fashion, where they are listened to and respected for knowing how their bodies feel. Maybe in those places there are doctors who are compassionate and treat the patient as a whole person worthy of kindness and “care.” I’m not sure we have that anywhere in the United States. I really don’t know if a place like that exists anywhere. If it does, drop me a note. I’d really like to visit.

**This is by no means a complete medical history of this particular human body. I’m fairly certain even Substack has word limits. I’m hitting the highlights of a journey that’s had more twists than my own small intestine. I find it interesting (if a bit salacious) to package it line-by-line in diagnosis form to build a picture that is both clear and haunting.

***I am willing to bet that you, or someone you care about, has been on a similar journey with their health. For that, well, I’m really sorry. This can be a heavy thing to carry around. You’re more than welcome to laugh (even ironically) at my own tale if it lowers your BP for a minute or two.

Your (medically nonsensical) trans friend,

Robin

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1. 404 error. Internal bleeding not found.

2. Or an IUD, which is actually a way better solution for so many people.