I subscribed many months back simply because I wanted to deepen my learning about trans people. More than anything, the title of your Substack is an enormously gracious invitation to me and so many others; it says, “show up as you are, I will hold space for your learning.” So, to me, even if hundreds of folks came after learning about you through SmallStack, trust that they too felt there was something you were offering that isn’t easy to get anywhere else. (Also, I honestly believe that you, Robin, will always hold “SmallStack values,” no matter how many subs Trans Friend amasses).
Thanks for seeing my title as an invitation. I hoped it would feel that way, and look at us learning and laughing and holding space for one another now!
Well, I subscribed because I love your writing and find it insightful and entertaining, but oh darn, that sounds like a compliment.
I think our society talks about hormones in an almost purely stereotypical, unrealistic way (rage, crying, muscles, etc) and way not enough about the subtle changes like how hormones influence gender dysphoria, for example. Appreciate you sharing this!
Rey, you're so right. We are multitudes, and yet we are often treated as a monolith. It's unfortunate, and I know you and I are part of a movement to change that narrative.
Robin, I have never seen another trans person write about imposter syndrome with this level of honesty. I've hinted at it in my own writing, but I think I was afraid I was an outlier. I can't thank you enough for your courage and vulnerability. I feel relieved to know I'm not alone.
I’m three years into my transition, and the imposter syndrome continues to hit me on a frequent basis. Finding Substacks - or any blog, really - by trans people who are ready to talk about these vulnerabilities is validating in powerful ways, a reminder that we’re not alone in our walks. So that’s why I subscribed.
You're definitely not alone, Joni. It isn't easy to talk about some stuff like imposter syndrome, but I also find it helpful when others around me talk about facing those things.
I’m new to substack and happened to come across you here. Even though I do know a few trans people, I really hadn’t thought too much about it until I met a young trans non binary person, who has opened my eyes to all things trans. Now I am educating myself as much as I can so I can be a worthy ally to them and others, and this substack is helping me in that way!!
Thanks, we ( my friend and I) have had lots of conversations about the issues they face which I had never considered as I just take it all for granted, and they helped me bring a few small changes to a local event, but there is so much more to do to ensure it is fair and just for all the gender diverse! I still have so much to learn and I hope to keep doing so! So thank you for also helping allies like myself!
Promise I will never ever compliment you...,😉 wherever it hurts the most is where the greatest gifts can be found. There is a lovely story about the cracked pot...everday water pots were carried to the emperors palace. One pot had a crack and was saddend by the fact it leaked along the path, unlike the other pots. Noticing the pots sorrow and shame the water carrier asked why the pot was so sad. The pot told them of their longing to be fixed to be worthy of the honour of carrying the water. The water carrier turned the pot around and pointed at the flowers a long the path....little pot as we walk along the path you water the flowers allowing them to bloom.
I do believe we need to let go of this idea of certainty ...that a fixed sense of self is something to search for, idealised. I can never remember feeling this...always fluid. Perhaps this is fine and dandy...plus believing you have all the answers and can never be wrong is for me far more limiting and life sapping then being curious and compasionate. Rigid thinking and polarities lead to accusations, hate and "burning" heretics..
glad it came at the right time for you - I always pass it on because it is beautiful and was perfect for me when I first came across it . It is also true....
I'm a newbie! And I'm here first because your writing caught my attention and I wanted more, and second because I'm the proud Mom of a trans daughter who just turned 21. I can and do give her unwavering support, but having never had to deal with a fraction of the issues she faces, how much better if she doesn't have to educate me on top of it all.
Kimberly, I am really happy you're here, and I'm even happier that you recognize how much emotional energy it takes to educate our loved ones. You clearly love your daughter very much, and I'm celebrating that.
As someone who has worn and performed many masks and roles in their lifetime (to my own detriment), and now identifies as trans non-binary and AUDHD, I was immediately drawn to the honesty in your writing. I subscribed to witness sacred and gorgeously nuanced unraveling and to shine a light on the shadows I encounter within myself on my journey. I believe we (trans folks especially) are unwavering in our pursuit of truth and honesty in a dangerously dishonest world. Thank you for sharing. It’s a gift to be in this sacred, messy, and gorgeously nuanced exploration of self and personal and collective healing together.
It truly is a gift to share this space with you. Your words make me feel like somehow I'm special in all of this, and that feels really nice, so I'm not going to think too much about it for fear that I'll overthink my way out of it.
I’m here to learn. I have a transman family member who I love dearly and support wholeheartedly but want to get perspectives from other trans folk that I might not get from him.
In many ways I’m starting over and my social circle reflects the lack of trans ppl in my life, hence why I subbed. And…volunteering with SmallStack was the doorway, so thank you for that!
Like many others, I love your honesty and your perspective on things. People who share their personal experiences help others feel they are not alone and it is a blessing for many. You touched here on a feeling we all know, in different ways, for different reasons, in different parts of our lives. It takes courage to leave a piece of you on the page for the world to read and I appreciate your courage, my friend. Thank you.
It feels good to have a place in the world where I can do this and know that my feelings will be welcomed and held gently. Thanks for helping build that with me.
I subscribed because you seem funny and have experience and great ideas to share. I don't regret it! Thank you for sharing about this topic, I'm sure I'm not the fish in this pond 🐠
Renata, would you say that in front of my kids, please? They seem to think I'm not as funny as I think I am, and I'd like to set the record straight on this one.
I'm here because I love your honesty and how you work through real stuff -- just as you have in this post. I'm here because I have an amazing trans daughter and it's a privilege to listen to voices from other trans friends who widen my understanding. I was here before May 15th so can't speak for the people who found you via Smallstack, but it's great that they have.
Hello Robin. Dear non-fraud you, I decided to subscribe because you have a unique creative perspective, because you care about the world, and you are finding your own way in life. 💞
I’m here because your words are helping me to understand more deeply the feelings of my non-binary 23 yr old. I appreciate any and all insights as I’m learning to accept their transition and respond to them respectfully because above all I love them with all my heart. I don’t want to mess up and say something that might be hurtful or offensive without even knowing it. You’ve already helped me. Thank you.
as a trans girlie I love reading from other trans people; it makes me feel a lot less alone <3
I love that you feel less alone by being here.
I subscribed many months back simply because I wanted to deepen my learning about trans people. More than anything, the title of your Substack is an enormously gracious invitation to me and so many others; it says, “show up as you are, I will hold space for your learning.” So, to me, even if hundreds of folks came after learning about you through SmallStack, trust that they too felt there was something you were offering that isn’t easy to get anywhere else. (Also, I honestly believe that you, Robin, will always hold “SmallStack values,” no matter how many subs Trans Friend amasses).
Thanks for seeing my title as an invitation. I hoped it would feel that way, and look at us learning and laughing and holding space for one another now!
Well, I subscribed because I love your writing and find it insightful and entertaining, but oh darn, that sounds like a compliment.
I think our society talks about hormones in an almost purely stereotypical, unrealistic way (rage, crying, muscles, etc) and way not enough about the subtle changes like how hormones influence gender dysphoria, for example. Appreciate you sharing this!
Rey, you're so right. We are multitudes, and yet we are often treated as a monolith. It's unfortunate, and I know you and I are part of a movement to change that narrative.
Robin, I have never seen another trans person write about imposter syndrome with this level of honesty. I've hinted at it in my own writing, but I think I was afraid I was an outlier. I can't thank you enough for your courage and vulnerability. I feel relieved to know I'm not alone.
Phoenix, I would love to see you write about those feelings, too. I bet I would find myself in your words. You also help me feel less alone.
This is the most I've written about it, Robin. I'm starting to find the courage to write into this fear. Thanks for your kindness and encouragement 🫂
https://open.substack.com/pub/phoenixbirch/p/of-newts-and-family?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=36uoca
I’m three years into my transition, and the imposter syndrome continues to hit me on a frequent basis. Finding Substacks - or any blog, really - by trans people who are ready to talk about these vulnerabilities is validating in powerful ways, a reminder that we’re not alone in our walks. So that’s why I subscribed.
You're definitely not alone, Joni. It isn't easy to talk about some stuff like imposter syndrome, but I also find it helpful when others around me talk about facing those things.
I’m new to substack and happened to come across you here. Even though I do know a few trans people, I really hadn’t thought too much about it until I met a young trans non binary person, who has opened my eyes to all things trans. Now I am educating myself as much as I can so I can be a worthy ally to them and others, and this substack is helping me in that way!!
Wendy, that's pretty dang awesome!
Thanks, we ( my friend and I) have had lots of conversations about the issues they face which I had never considered as I just take it all for granted, and they helped me bring a few small changes to a local event, but there is so much more to do to ensure it is fair and just for all the gender diverse! I still have so much to learn and I hope to keep doing so! So thank you for also helping allies like myself!
Promise I will never ever compliment you...,😉 wherever it hurts the most is where the greatest gifts can be found. There is a lovely story about the cracked pot...everday water pots were carried to the emperors palace. One pot had a crack and was saddend by the fact it leaked along the path, unlike the other pots. Noticing the pots sorrow and shame the water carrier asked why the pot was so sad. The pot told them of their longing to be fixed to be worthy of the honour of carrying the water. The water carrier turned the pot around and pointed at the flowers a long the path....little pot as we walk along the path you water the flowers allowing them to bloom.
I do believe we need to let go of this idea of certainty ...that a fixed sense of self is something to search for, idealised. I can never remember feeling this...always fluid. Perhaps this is fine and dandy...plus believing you have all the answers and can never be wrong is for me far more limiting and life sapping then being curious and compasionate. Rigid thinking and polarities lead to accusations, hate and "burning" heretics..
Lucy, your story was such a gift! Thank you for that. I really needed to read that one today. I'm so glad we've connected here.
it meant so much to me when I first read it too - so I always want to pass it on just in case it helps others - for us who are funny random people!
Funny random people are MY people!!
omg i love that water pot story SO MUCH and GOSH i needed that today 😭
glad it came at the right time for you - I always pass it on because it is beautiful and was perfect for me when I first came across it . It is also true....
I'm a newbie! And I'm here first because your writing caught my attention and I wanted more, and second because I'm the proud Mom of a trans daughter who just turned 21. I can and do give her unwavering support, but having never had to deal with a fraction of the issues she faces, how much better if she doesn't have to educate me on top of it all.
Kimberly, I am really happy you're here, and I'm even happier that you recognize how much emotional energy it takes to educate our loved ones. You clearly love your daughter very much, and I'm celebrating that.
As someone who has worn and performed many masks and roles in their lifetime (to my own detriment), and now identifies as trans non-binary and AUDHD, I was immediately drawn to the honesty in your writing. I subscribed to witness sacred and gorgeously nuanced unraveling and to shine a light on the shadows I encounter within myself on my journey. I believe we (trans folks especially) are unwavering in our pursuit of truth and honesty in a dangerously dishonest world. Thank you for sharing. It’s a gift to be in this sacred, messy, and gorgeously nuanced exploration of self and personal and collective healing together.
It truly is a gift to share this space with you. Your words make me feel like somehow I'm special in all of this, and that feels really nice, so I'm not going to think too much about it for fear that I'll overthink my way out of it.
I’m here to learn. I have a transman family member who I love dearly and support wholeheartedly but want to get perspectives from other trans folk that I might not get from him.
In many ways I’m starting over and my social circle reflects the lack of trans ppl in my life, hence why I subbed. And…volunteering with SmallStack was the doorway, so thank you for that!
Erin, I am so glad I've had the chance to get to know you!
Like many others, I love your honesty and your perspective on things. People who share their personal experiences help others feel they are not alone and it is a blessing for many. You touched here on a feeling we all know, in different ways, for different reasons, in different parts of our lives. It takes courage to leave a piece of you on the page for the world to read and I appreciate your courage, my friend. Thank you.
It feels good to have a place in the world where I can do this and know that my feelings will be welcomed and held gently. Thanks for helping build that with me.
My pleasure. Speaking our truth is so important and so underestimated.
I subscribed because you seem funny and have experience and great ideas to share. I don't regret it! Thank you for sharing about this topic, I'm sure I'm not the fish in this pond 🐠
Renata, would you say that in front of my kids, please? They seem to think I'm not as funny as I think I am, and I'd like to set the record straight on this one.
Hahahaha us kids rarely think our parents are funny! I still don't think my parents are funny but I'be definitely inherited their sense of humor. 🤷♀️
I'm here because I love your honesty and how you work through real stuff -- just as you have in this post. I'm here because I have an amazing trans daughter and it's a privilege to listen to voices from other trans friends who widen my understanding. I was here before May 15th so can't speak for the people who found you via Smallstack, but it's great that they have.
Jan, you've been such a warm and kind friend here. I'm really grateful to have you.
Hello Robin. Dear non-fraud you, I decided to subscribe because you have a unique creative perspective, because you care about the world, and you are finding your own way in life. 💞
Teyani, I always light up when I find you in the comments. Thanks for being here, friend.
I’m here because your words are helping me to understand more deeply the feelings of my non-binary 23 yr old. I appreciate any and all insights as I’m learning to accept their transition and respond to them respectfully because above all I love them with all my heart. I don’t want to mess up and say something that might be hurtful or offensive without even knowing it. You’ve already helped me. Thank you.
I am very glad you're here! Loving and wanting that love to be better is so beautiful.