Ask a Trans Friend
you've got questions, and I will make up answers!
Not long ago, I asked all of you if it would be helpful to open an Ask Me Anything (AMA) thread so that you could reach out and ask those burning questions you’ve been holding onto. And here it is! You can use this post to ask your question in the comments, which will show up with whatever username you log into Substack with, or you can drop your question(s) in the form I’ve linked to below.
Are there guardrails for this ride?
Why yes, yes there are. Foremost, please know that if you ask a question that I don’t want to answer, I simply will not answer it. Knowing this community as well as I do, I doubt these things will come up. But it’s always a possibility. An easy way to check whether your question might get answered is to consider whether you would answer a similar question if it was asked of you in a public setting. And, while I may be comfortable answering things that you would not (and vice versa), I also believe in supporting my trans and queer community in this space by not answering questions that are clearly objectifying of trans bodies or that question the legitimacy of trans lives (including my own).
Why should I use the form instead of placing a comment here?
The form I created allows you to ask your question anonymously. You might choose to do this for privacy reasons for yourself, but you might also select this to preserve my privacy based on the question you ask (since it will only be visible to me). Questions posed to me in the form may be posted here at a later date, but they will not contain any identifying information about the person asking.
Can you answer on behalf of the transgender community?
No. Definitely not. And I hope you know me well enough by now to see that I won’t ever try to answer for my community, in part or in whole. That’s unfair to all of us, you included. Asking me a question is just that—asking me and me alone. You’ll get this particular trans man’s thoughts or perspective, nothing more than that.
What if I have a question about parenting a trans child?
Please ask!
What if I have a question about being trans myself?
Please ask that, too!
What if I’m way more interested in writing or gardening questions?
Definitely ask. And it’s probably time to plant your onions now and your potatoes in another few weeks. Maybe start some peas and carrots.
What if you can’t answer my question?
If I do not have an answer that is satisfactory, I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction. No guarantees here, but I do want you to get answers, and I’ll help in whatever way I can.
What if I just want to know your favorite color?
Blue. But you can still ask.
What if I don’t know what to ask just yet?
I’ll keep the AMA form open for a while. You don’t need to hurry. I will also keep comments open in this post so that you can ask here and see my response.
Isn’t this like a super shitty time to be bothering a trans person with questions? I mean, the world is kind of on fire right now, isn’t it?
Sure, that’s very true. But asking and answering questions helps build community and spreads knowledge and compassion, so maybe it’s not the worst time ever.
Building community takes time and a bit of elbow grease. A lot of us in this space have been getting to know one another for a while, and some others are newer. I hope all of you feel welcome here. No matter who you are or what your background is, sometimes it’s nice to be able to ask questions and get answers within a trusted community. It’s very unlikely that I will ever use the chat feature on this platform, so an AMA is my middle ground solution.
So… that’s it, really. If you have a question, ask away. I might need a day or two to respond, but rest assured that’s only because I take healthy breaks from phones and computers.
Your trans friend,
Robin
My friend, there are so many many questions, but I'll leave you with two (one fun and one heavier)...
1) What garden vegetable (or plant) do you feel most connected to and why?
2) I'd love to hear about how you're navigating conversations about what's happening in the country (particularly to the trans community) with your kids. How do you decide as a parent what's "developmentally appropriate" for them to know when it comes to potential/real threats, crisis preparedness, etc (and I understand this would look different for everyone, to varying degrees)? My partner and I are really grappling with the enormity of this.
I love you, Sib, and thank you.
K byeeee! 🫂🩵🩷🤍
My question is different, hopefully that’s ok. My mom sees me as the knower or all things LGBTQ+ simply because I’m a lesbian. I definitely don’t know all. Because our teen son has a close friend who is trans my mom also extended her expectation of my knowledge to the current EO regarding gender affirming care for minors. She wants talking points for her friends (she’s 80) when they express agreement with the EO. She understands the EO is wrong and bad, she wants to speak intelligently about why. Everyone else I know who could help me with this is so overwhelmed themselves (whether trans, parent of a trans child or otherwise eloquent person) either I can’t ask or I have and the response was “lemme get back to you” but they haven’t. Your offer to answer questions made me think I’d give asking you a try. Any thoughts appreciated!