Don't All Fathers

It’s Pride Month, and all of my posts this month are going to be about trans joy, which is something that doesn’t get nearly enough attention in the world. Bear in mind, some moments of trans joy show up in unlikely places, and some start out as anything but joyous occasions. In each case, this is a month of happy endings. However you celebrate Pride—whether you’re a seasoned parade-goer, a new ally looking for ways to high-five your friends, or a parent thinking about how to celebrate Pride with your kids—I wish you all the love, glitter, and disco music your heart desires.

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Father’s Day can be such a tangled feeling for many transgender folx, but certainly for those of us who are transmen, transmasculine types, transmasc, nonbinary, third gender, and so many more variations that add to our beauty as humans. I hold, in reverence, those of my brothers and siblings who have (or may) become fathers, through choice or circumstance, and who feel the complexity of that relationship with ourselves and our families.

A father and his son on day #1.

Don’t All Fathers

Don’t all fathers
wire themselves like
the lightbulb in the fridge
open the door, here we are at the ready
how about a carrot?

Don’t all fathers
hide our nurturing instincts
playing house as little girls 
insisting we are “the dad” each time

Don’t all fathers
worry that menopause will make us irrelevant
or just more wobbly in the middle

Don’t all fathers
know the feeling of an unborn foot jammed
straight into our 10th rib
and murmur “eviction notice” to our rounded bellies
but hide our tears not long after
at the first sleepover away from home

Don’t all fathers
marvel at the softness of baby eyelashes
like a thousand teensy transmasc chin hairs
each one
delicate
and memorable

Don’t all fathers
instruct their children
to sit while peeing
because duh

Don’t all fathers
hold our children’s hands
and hearts
and futures
with reverence

Don’t all fathers
fear

Don’t all fathers
dream

Don’t all fathers
stumble
but choose instead
to lift up our children
in place of ourselves

Don’t all fathers
stare in wonder
at a day to celebrate us
when we were born
as little girls
who longed to celebrate ourselves
but did not know how

Don’t all fathers have this?
We should.

Your trans friend,

Robin